


Why Me?

by crowleys_moose



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jess has Self-Esteem issues, M/M, Mentioned suicide attempt, Possible Friendship, angst...kind of, dean being a sweetie, idk what this is, jess has a crush, kind of ooc, lowkey, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 14:01:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9388238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleys_moose/pseuds/crowleys_moose
Summary: Nights like these are when Jess thinks to himself, "what's the point of going on?" An old friend (if you can call them that) of his shows him a reason to go on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's been awhile since I've posted on here, hasn't it? Oh well. Even though I need to do a part two to some of my fics, here's a slightly OOC Dean/Jess one!

It was something Jess should’ve saw coming a mile away. He was there for everyone and supported them through their problems. But what do they do? Cast him to the side and simply forget about him whenever he’s no longer useful. Yeah, he was a dick when he was younger. But as the saying goes, time changes, and people change.   
  
Jess at on the bench outside Doose’s market, drinking his midnight coffee. Stars Hollow was a different place at night. It was a much more pleasant place to be in. His fingers ran up the sides of the cup, his eyes watering up and blurring his visions. He gnawed on the inside of his cheek, fighting back the sob that wanted to burst out. How could he not feel so pathetic, especially when he’s crying like a little weak brat that hasn’t got any attention from his mommy and daddy?   
  
‘You’re not needed by anyone. You’re a piece of shit,’ a tiny voice in his head hissed. A flashing pain burned through his thigh, a painful memory of the last time he tried to kill himself. That was when he promised Luke that he would talk to him whenever he had those sorts of thoughts. It didn’t even have to be him, Luke told him. It could be anyone who wanted to help him.   
  
When he tried to follow that advice, though, all Luke did was ignore him. Luke only wanted to talk about his relationship with Lorelai, and talked about all the problems in it. He didn’t mind helping his uncle out, but it got to a point where he became irritated at the mention of Lorelai.  And any person that wanted to help him suddenly disappeared or had other things going on at the most convenient time.   
  
“I’m such a worthless piece of shit,” Jess murmured to himself as he took a sip of his coffee.  He leaned back and let out a deep sigh.   
  
“I don’t think you’re too bad,” a familiar, yet unfamiliar voice reassured him.   
  
Jess looked up to see a tall figure standing over him, and it took a moment to actually process who it was. “Dean?” He asked, confused as he can be because why would Dean ever be nice to him?     
  
“Yeah…could I sit here?” Dean asked shyly, looking down at Jess. It’s been four years since he last saw him, and he has never seen him look this uncertain. Jess nodded and motioned for him to sit down. Dean smiled small, and a hint of dimples made their appearance. When did Dean have dimples? Why hasn’t he noticed them before? Either way, they looked absolutely good on him, alongside his tiny smile.   
  
“What brings you around here?” Jess questioned, raising his eyebrows as he asked.   
  
“Well, I was visiting my parents and since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to take a walk around town. I noticed you were sitting outside Doose’s Market, and I decided to I don’t know…say hi?” Dean said quickly, a nervous energy radiating off of him. His fingers played with a string on his coat.   
  
Jess nodded slowly, and took another sip of his coffee. “I have a few more questions for you, tall guy,” he told him as he rubbed the side of his face “why are you being nice? And why are you so nervous?”   
  
Dean pursed his lips, and huffed out a sigh. “Well, I wanted to be nice to you. And I’m really cold.”   
  
“It’s not that cold out, though.” Jess said as he leaned up to look straight at him. Dean’s eyes were darting around, and his leg was bouncing up and down. One of those statements was bullshit, and if it meant sitting here all night long, he was going to find out what it was. “Don’t lie to me. What is it?”   
  
“Why do you care?”   
  
“’Cause I’m a nosy fuck, that’s why.”   
  
With a roll of his eyes, Dean shook his head. “You know why? Because my wife divorced me, I found out I’m gay, and my parents got a letter saying someone will beat me if that person ever sees me.”   
  
…so maybe Jess is still a bit of a dick to people. He’s still working on it though. Jess was at a loss of words to express his emotions. What do you say to something like that? “Wow,” Jess murmured, running his fingers through his hair. His eyes widened and he pursed his lips looking over at Dean. Dean stopped bouncing his leg, but he began to gnaw on his lower lip.   
  
“I don’t know what I was complaining about,” Jess said to himself with a sad chuckle “especially when people have it worse than I do.” He leaned back and rubbed his forehead, using his hand trying to cover up the tears that were slowly forming. Dean’s strong hand was on his knee, and a pleasant shiver went up his spine.   
  
“That doesn’t make the things you are going through less valid,” Dean reassured him gently, stroking his kneecap “there are people in the world right now that are about to die, but what you are going through is still very real and very valid.”   
  
Jess shifted as he covered the growing hard on in his jeans, and he furrowed his eyebrows at Dean. He leaned up as he looked up at him. “Why do you care? Especially when I was such an asshole to you,” he asked him, and tightened his lips, tears rolling down his cheek.   
  
“’Cause I lost an old friend to suicide, and nobody encouraged them to get help. Or even talk to someone,” Dean said with a sad look in his eyes “I also want to bury the hatchet…more properly. I don’t want someone to lose a son, a nephew, a best friend…or even a father.”   
  
“Nobody would miss me,” Jess sneered, tears streaming down his face. “They don’t want to hear all of my bullshit. And to be honest, I can’t blame him.”   
  
Dean frowned at him, and got a marker from his pocket (who carries markers wherever they go?), popping the cap off. He took Jess’s hand, and wrote something down on his palm. A thumb rubbed against Jess’s wrist, sending another shiver up his spine. “Text me if you ever want to talk. I won’t mind hearing all of your bullshit,” he said, and smiled down at him, his dimples slightly bigger and deeper. Dean walked off to wherever, a shocked expression on Jess’s face.   
  
How did it come to this? Jess won’t know, and he won’t ever understand. But he surely won’t ever complain that someone  as amazing as him would help him.


End file.
